Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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