Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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