So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
