its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
