we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
