I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Boobs speak an international language.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
