I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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