Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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