I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
