I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
