do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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