I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
