My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
