I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
NoShamevember. You game?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
