And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
