My first STD was from a foam party
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
