The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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