I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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