im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
