doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just want to make out with him forever
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
