Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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