I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
