oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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