Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
