I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
