I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Randomize