I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
