I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
