I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
