So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
