That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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