Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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