wanna go halves on a baby?
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
my poor anus
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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