We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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