I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
