Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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