Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
The best revenge is premature balding
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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