Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Randomize
