Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
