Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
