I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
