I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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