I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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