You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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