He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
