pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
