I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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