We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
