I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
