I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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