Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize