Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
