Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
