i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
