My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
