Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
