My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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