Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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