You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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