hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
