I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
this hospital has no fireball
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
