imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
