My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
