The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
