i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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