I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
