I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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