...so i touched it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
