im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
