For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize