based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
